My Maiden Speech BY TITVS ADVXAS

Although I've written quite a few essays and published several on here and on other sites, last night was the first time I'd ever spoken in public. This speech draws directly from the essay about my grandfather called "Heroes". My opening joke about poor eyesight and then turning over what I'd just read in ultra large type was noticed and got a few giggles, and I also received applause during the speech after referring to my grandfather, and the betrayal of us all by New Labour in the name of Real Labour. As The speech progressed, it became easier for me, although a couple of blunders (which went unnoticed because no-one knew who I was talking about) and moments of getting tongue tied, I eventually tried to ad lib but I still needed more than a few references to my speech. Its not as easy as professional speakers like Simon Darby, Nick Griffin, and Arthur Kemp make it look. Having the ability to talk from memory drawing reference to all manner of information from memory is a discipline and an art form. I'm told its like losing your virginity, the first time you splutter a lot, but the more times you do it, the easier it becomes and the better you are at doing it...

Here's the transcript of my speech as it should have gone...

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[GLASSES/FUMBLE]

You worry at my age when your eyes go and you need larger print [TURN PAGE 3]

Now like most of you, I’m just an ordinary guy, a Brummie, a Midlander, an Englishman

I was born in Sparkbrook. To be exact, a few doors away from The now solitary Pub, The Brewer & Baker at Camp Hill, standing overlooking the Blues ground.

Let’s just take a minute here to reflect on the weekends results and congratulate one of our local teams for their success and congratulate The Blues for promotion along with The Wolves.

Now all that’s left of that old house now is a bush, so yes I was born under a bush!!
As a little boy there I can remember my granddad,
· Here was a brave young man who was an old contemptible,
· A man who fought in the muddy trenches of Belgium and France,
· A man who as a prisoner of war was forced to work coal mines in Germany ,
· A man who refused to work down those mines!
· A man who tried to escape three times!
· A man who was punished by the Germans
After His 1st attempt was publicly flogged,
Then after His 2nd attempt he was tortured by having all his teeth pulled just halfway out! Imagine the pain of that. Even that didn’t stop my cantankerous granddad
After his 3rd attempt to escape, the only way Kaiser’s army could make damn sure he didn’t try anymore was to remove his ability to walk and he had his ankles brutally clubbed.

Years later and still years ago, I remember him walking those few yards down to the off counter at the pub with his empty jug and one of his walking sticks and when he got back he always raised his 2 pints of mild and smiled. After 45 years he was the winner.
In 1964 we moved out here to Rednal and lived just up the top of Quarry Walk in Cliff Rock Road on the corner of Kendal Rise Road. [POINT THAT WAY]

At Rednal Hill Infant School, one of the first books I can remember learning to read was the story of “LITTLE BLACK SAMBO” A little boy who was chased by a tiger around and around a tree, faster and faster and then so fast that the tiger turned to butter. As a child, to me, that was real, after all we were still trading with Australia and had 'Kangaroo Butter' in our shops

Now some of you have met my beautiful little granddaughter. Imagine me telling her that story now. I’d be hung up by my balls and have my neck cut in half like a sheep undergoing a ritual Halal execution.

How I came to join the BNP was one of those impulse moments like you get at the checkouts at Sainsbury’s and you’ve been dieting all week and you see the Cadbury’s display calling you ‘Eat Me! ’

In January this year, it was just out of sheer curiosity over publicity of The Billesley Mosque, I’d gone along to South Birmingham BNP meeting back in Billesley. I was a guest of a friend of an acquaintance of the milkman of Mike Bell’s next door neighbour. You know the sort of thing...

The speakers that night were Mark Harland [POINT], Mike Bell [POINT], Martin Mulvihill, and Nick Griffin
By the time Nick had finished his Question and Answers. And just like a prize pike caught down the local cut, I was caught. I was hook, line and sinkered.

That night I bought a BNP tie, BNP badge, BNP pen, BNP car sticker, The lot. Mark managed to get Nick Griffin to autograph my new diary. And by 7am the next morning I had joined The BNP online.

...That reminds me, he never got me Simon’s autograph at the next meeting I attended.
[SCOWL AT MARK & WAVE DIARY AT SIMON]

Now over the years I’ve written essays, mostly for personal amusement and enlightenment, and About 5 or 6 years ago I wrote a short essay about my grandfather, known as Tom to his friends.
But I never finished that one properly. The BNP meetings I attended, however, gave me the inspiration to finish it and to write more...

I showed Mike that now completed essay and he then submitted it to the BNP webmaster and it was printed on the main website on 1st of March under the pen name Titus Aduxas

Joining the BNP rejuvenated my mind and it rejuvenated my soul.

Don’t worry. I’ve nearly finished!

At our strategy meeting, the other Sunday, my old friend Francis [POINT] reminded us that we should always refer to The Labour Party as NEW LABOUR,
Why? To both remind them and us That labour, the Real labour,the Labour of my father, the Labour of my grandfather, and the Labour of Nye Bevan have been betrayed by NEW LABOUR as have this country and every single working man and working woman who given NEW LABOUR his and her support

In a similar vein, I wish to introduce The ”I “ word. Now it’s nothing like an iPod or iPhone or iTunes.
The ”I “ word I refer to is or Islam and the “M” people word or Muslims.
I think that Islam and Muslims are given far too much importance or credence than they deserve in this great country of ours. So much so that tonight I propose we should try to remove the words Islam and Muslim from our everyday speech, and instead we should use THE “I” WORD and THE “M” PEOPLE WORD saying things like “I” word ification instead of Islamification’ or Delia Smith might say ‘strain using an “M” people word cloth!!![WAIT FOR APPLAUSE IF JOKE CLICKS]

That’s a little like our good friend Martyn Findlay told us he does in Nuneaton Council meetings by un diversifying one stone at a time in his own little way.

To that end, and as a way to introduce tonight’s light hearted fundraising idea,
[READ THE LAMINATE POINT & WAVE RED BOX] I propose the use of this red collection box as a “Cuss box”
Any person uttering The “I” word or The “M” People word will be fined £1 per transgression.
As we in the BNP respect democracy and freedom of expression, those of us who know they will transgress several times may pre-purchase their cusses. Tariff is on the laminate
Use of other profanity will, as bloody usual be bleeding acceptable in this bloody establishment.

Now hopefully Liz will be able add what’s been taken in this light-hearted yet serious way into tonight’s fundraising figures and we’ll get a few quid extra in the coffers, Now I’ll start the ball rolling and here’s my contribution for the my own profanity [PAYS A POUND INTO THE BOX]

Thank you for listening to me.
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You worry at my age when your eyes go and you need larger print!

©TITVS-ADVXAS-VI-V-MMIX
As Published